You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
