I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize