All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
