I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
