Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
