Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
