I haven't been this sober since birth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
