if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
