you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize