Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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