I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
