she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
