hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
