dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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