I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize