I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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