shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
