Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am spending my child support on dildos
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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