Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
