is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
how does that bad decision feel?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
