we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
