The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize