My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
