I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
