Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
