i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This is my gift to your gina
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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