i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
the raccoons are back...
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