yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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