can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
