Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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