Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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