I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
