High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they're like a gay fantastic four
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
