I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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