I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
someone owes me an orgasm
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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