I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
