If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
