like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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