Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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