worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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