At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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