and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
