it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
