hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize