The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
