are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
