Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
