you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
