i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
