His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
