Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
