I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
