it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
