I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
