??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
