If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
