I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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