R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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