Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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