His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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