Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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