i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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