i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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