If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
