first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
