Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I love you. Go after that dick
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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