I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
FUCK WHALES
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