im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize