she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
