Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
