but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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