i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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