WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
