We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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