He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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