NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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