remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize