oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are the jesus of drinking
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
