Your face is a jimmy john
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
