Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
