Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
