I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
