she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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