Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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