I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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