My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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