I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
